Who doesn't like unsolicited advice by a total stranger?

Single life: What to answer to rude comments

Today I suggest you some answers for these uncomfortable remarks made to singles. Starting to the one I hated the most:

  • You are single? (surprise) You look like the couple/marriage type

What does this even mean? I wasn’t aware there was a type? Should I be happy that I’m a couple type? Or sad that I look like wife material, but I don’t have a husband?

What you want to answer: What did you just say? You look like a Homo Sapiens but don’t seem to be thinking.

A polite but assertive answer:  Please, elaborate.

Turning the tables: You look like the single type. Why are you married?

  • I wish I was single

What you want to answer: OMG! Don’t tell me how much you love your partner. I don’t care!

A polite but assertive answer: Why? I thought you were happy.

Turning the tables: I wish I was single too (wait, I am)

  • What are you waiting for?

What you want to answer:  Your husband. Bazinga!

A polite but assertive answer: I’m not waiting. I don’t believe I have to wait for someone to complete me to be happy.

Turning the tables: I was wondering the same about you, what are you waiting for to change job/have kids/ buy a house/ divorce?

  • There are plenty of fish in the sea

What you want to answer: I’m vegan.

A polite but assertive answer: I don’t like fishing. And I don’t want to fish a woman/man, I want to fall in love and be happy or not fall in love and be equally happy.

Turning the tables: A good reminder to yourself too!

  • You wouldn’t know about that, you are single

What you want to answer: Are you dumb?

A polite but assertive answer: Well, I might have not lived the exact same experience. Still I can relate, I can listen and empathise with you.

Turning the tables: Don’t worry. I get it. I was going to mention (insert trendy word) but then I realized you are married. You just won’t get it.

  • You need to get out more

What you want to answer: Says the couch potato

A polite but assertive answer: I need to do what I feel like doing. Sometimes I go out. Sometimes I stay at home.

Turning the tables: You should go out more too, perhaps you find something better.

  • How are you still single?

What you want to answer: How are you still so dumb?

A polite but assertive answer: Well, for starters, I haven’t met someone interesting for a while. Fortunately, I have a job, an income, friends and family who love me so I don’t need to fall for the first guy that says hi! I’m quite happy as I’m. I don’t feel I need a man to complete me and I find it quite offensive when people ask me why I’m single. Marriage is not the end goal nor it ensures happiness.

Turning the tables: How are you still married?

  • And that’s why you are still single

What you want to answer: And that’s why you are stupid

A polite but assertive answer: I obviously want to be with someone who respects who I am.

Turning the tables:  Did you have to change your personality to be with your husband/wife? How sad!

  • You are free, right? Aka, you wouldn’t have any plans tonight if it wasn’t for me/us

What you want to answer: It might come as a surprise to you, but I don’t sit by the phone waiting for you to call and entertain me.

A polite but assertive answer:  I’m single but I do have a life, you know? Work? Household chores? Hobbies? Other friends?

Turning the tables:  Are you bored? Do you need to call your single friend(s) to spice up your weekends?

  • Tell me more! aka You are my pet single friend and I’m living vicariously through you.

What you want to answer: Are you truly so bored?

A polite but assertive answer:  I’m not really into gossiping.

Turning the tables:  Tell me more about your marriage life. I’m living vicariously through you, what wall paper did you chose for the living room?

  • I met someone perfect for you

What you want to answer: No, please no! Not again! Why does this keep happening to me?

A polite but assertive answer:  I really hope you did so that I can stop hearing all my friends and acquaintances say the same.

Or

I truly hope you didn’t get my type wrong. It’s a test to our friendship. Do you want to risk it for the cousin of your grandma’s neighbour who you used to play soccer with 15 years ago?

Turning the tables:  Really? I met someone perfect for you too. What a coincidence!

  • You are too picky

What you want to answer: You are getting dumber and dumber.

A polite but assertive answer:  I have standards and I love myself.

Turning the tables: Weren’t you? Did you just settle?

  • I’m sure that you will have what we have someday too.

What you want to answer: Have you forgotten I was there when he/she cheated on you?

A polite but assertive answer: Or even better!

Turning the tables: I’m equally sure you will be as happy as I’m someday.

  • Don’t you want to have children of your own?

What you want to answer: Thank you for reminding me!

or

Tick! Tack! Tick! Tack!

or

How do I tell you that I don’t want to have children.

A polite but assertive answer:  I don’t think this is a subject to discuss right now.

or

I do. But not at the cost of an unhappy marriage

or

I do. But I can do it alone.

or

I do. But it’s not the moment right now.

or

I desperately do and I cry often about this. Your questions don’t help and make feel horrible.

or

I never thought about having children. Then, you all started asking me about this very subject and I started to wonder if there is something wrong with me. Then, I realised that there is nothing wrong with me. It’s peer-preassure. I don’t appreciate it.

or

I don’t.

Turning the tables: Don’t you want to have (more) children?

  • You know, if there is something wrong, you can tell me.

What you want to answer: Are you serious?

A polite but assertive answer:   What do you think is wrong?

Turning the tables: You know you can tell me what is wrong with your life too.

  • Aren’t you afraid of being/growing old/dying alone?

What you want to answer: Are we really getting so dark so soon?

A polite but assertive answer:   Don’t we all die alone?

or

Thank you for triggering one of my biggest fears. Luckily, I have therapy this week.

or

Well, none of us can look into the future.

or

I have friends/dogs/ cats/ family. I’m not alone.

Turning the tables: I’m single. Not alone. Are you married and alone? Or married and bad- accompanied? Or married and well-accompanied?

 

I hope at least you laughed at some of them. I know some answers can feel rude. But, truly, some of the questions and comments are rude, above all if they come from acquaintances, distant relatives, colleagues or total strangers.

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